Oh, I'm the Jerk?!

The drama continues my friends. As some of you are already aware, Husband and I have been dealing with Roommate issues. Behind The Camera already suggested that we kick him out, stat. Well, it's finally come to that. It's a fairly humorous story and just happened yesterday. However, I'm suffering from a terrible cold, and in my sickened, weakened state I hope I'll do it justice.

So for the sixth month in a row now we have had to ask our 35 year-old roommate for rent money. It's only $300, a third of our rent. He's got his own room, with cable (even Husband and I don't have cable in our room), he really doesn't have to clean, well he doesn't anyway, he's got a pretty descent situation. All Husband and I ask is that he pays his rent and bills on time. It is none of his business, nor does it effect when he needs to give us money, if we have made arrangements with our landlord as to when we're paying rent. Our arrangement with our landlord is our business, Roommate is not on the lease. Roommate's agreement with us is just that, it's between us and his obligations are to us.

So for the sixth month in a row now(I know, deja vu) Roommate doesn't have rent money when it's due. He swears up and down that he's some "playa", just rolling in bills. HA! You know the types, they like people to think they're big pimpin' but they're just liars. But when it comes to getting us the money he owes us, he never has it. It's like pulling teeth.

(An aside: Husband and I met some really cool people at our New Year's party. They live close to us, they're our age, we're really excited to get to know them and hang out. Well, Roommate has decided that he's into the wife, let's call her Mama, and that Mama's into him. Papa, that's the husband, told all of us just last weekend that meeting us was perfect timing for them because they hadn't been doing well, their marriage hadn't been doing well, Papa was depressed, etc., and it was great for them to meet us when they did. Okay, in my mind, when someone tells you their marriage is having problems, if you're a friend you do everything you can to support it and encourage it's success. Roommate has a different strategy. Marriage troubles to him mean hone in on the wife and try to break the marriage up. So he's been relentless in his pursuit of Mama and I'm terribly concerned that it will hurt our brand new friendship. At this point I'd deny knowing the guy.)

Roommate got home the other night and Husband again asked him for the rent money. He still didn't have it. Husband got pissed, told Roommate so, and pretty much laid into him about screwing us on rent. Roommate promised to have the money to us the next day. I was in bed, having found the solace of my poofy comforter by 7:30 that evening due to my cold. At about 11:45 pm I woke up and subsequently woke Husband up. I asked him if Roommate had given us rent, to which he responded no. Well that just set me right off and I proclaimed, "That's it! I want him out!" And Husband and I decided at that point we would be telling him to find other accommodations. I told Husband and our friend KB that before I start to hate him, he needs to leave. I still wanted to be his friend, but I wouldn't be if he kept living with us.

Yesterday afternoon KB was over as well as our friend (who is also staying with us for a bit, no I swear we don't run a youth hostel) Frankie, when Roommate got home. Husband gave him a minute to get settled and they made small talk. Now, I'm already upset about the money thing, and I'm unhappy about what his intentions are with Mama. Not to mention my weakened and sickly condition. So when Husband finally asked Roommate for rent, which he had promised us by yesterday, and Roommate says, "Well, I've got it but there's a slight problem." I was ready to throw down, and here's how it went:

R: "Well, I've got it but there's a slight problem."
H: "Well we're fucked dude. Our check's gonna bounce."
R: "No, listen, it's only a slight problem. The check that I got today isn't going to be good until tomorrow at 9:30. So I'll be able to get you the money tomorrow."
H: "That's not gonna work man, I mean, you're really fucking us here."
R: "Well if someone had told me that they were gonna pay it I could've maybe gotten the money sooner."
Me: "Roommate, rent is due on the fifth, it's always due on the fifth. I'm sick of having to ask you for money every month!"
R: "You don't have to ask me for money every month! You guys keep changing your mind about when you want the money. I was told I had until Friday."
Me: "I know I didn't tell you that. And I know that Husband didn't tell you that. In fact, he told you something quite different than that, so don't start making shit up."
R: "I'm not making shit up!" Storms off to his room and slams the door. A few minutes later he comes out with his checkbook and begins to write a check while also beginning to talk shit.
R: "You all need to get your shit together 'cause you're telling me to pay rent by the fifth, and what, you motha - when did you pay rent, today?" Please note that yes, he was about to call us motherfuckers, motherfuckers, after everything we've done, our kindness - bah!
Me: "Roommate!! That's none of your fucking business. Your obligation is to us, this is our house, you're not on the fucking lease!! We have an agreement and rent is due by the fifth! Whether you like it or not, your agreement is with us and every month now we're begging you for money."

(Another aside, Roommate, Husband and I also went in on kind of a business deal, we propagated some plants, which we were going to harvest and sell to supplement our incomes. It didn't go exactly as planned, and I was worried from the beginning that Husband and I were going to get screwed. Well, like January 2 Roommate gave some of the harvested plants to a "buddy" to sell. He told us that we'd have rent money from the sale of the plants. We still have not seen any money out of it.)

R: "You don't have to beg me for money! I have money for you every month, you just keep changing your minds about when you want it."
Me: "Roommate, you're an adult. We shouldn't have to ask you for money at all! You should have it in your hand ready to give to us when it's due!"
R: "Well, it's not my fault that my boss is in the hospital and her husband is dying and she can't pay me."
Me and H: "It's not our problem either! Now it's our problem because you've made it our problem." Me: "None of your personal bullshit is our problem Roommate. Whether it's the shots for the dog or your boss, it's not our problem!!"
Roommate tries to start yelling things at me at which point I said: "Oh, what Roommate, you wanna go? You really wanna start that shit? 'Cause I'm ready to go!"
R: "Well this check will be good by 9:30 tomorrow morning . . ."
Me: "Yeah, just like the money from the plants, that was supposed to cover rent and we haven't even seen any, and I'm not really expecting to!"
R: "Is that right?"
M: "Yeah Roommate, that's right."

It's important to note that I am yelling, no, screaming at this point and have been through most of the conversation. I know, it's not the most mature, or the best way to deal with things. What can I say, I lost it.

R: "Fine, if you're not expecting it then you won't see it. But don't try to accuse me of anything."
Me: "I'm not, all I want is rent and bills paid on time! You have a responsibility to us, like it or not. And guess what, if you don't like it, you know where you can go!"
R: "Yeah that's fine. I'm outta here. I'll start looking for a place and be out by the end of the month."
Me: "Probably a good idea."

Roommate storms back into his room again where he remained for the rest of the night, only coming out to use the bathroom and make it clear that he's the pissed off one, the jilted one, the hurt one, the victim.

Now clearly I could've dealt with that whole situation a lot better. The problem is people who refuse to take responsibility for themselves and insist on always blaming others for their fucked up lives just set me off. I've been dealing with Roommate's bullshit for over six months and I'm just done. So maybe part of me wanted it to go down like that, just to be rid of him. I really hate getting that out of control though. So consequently I spent the rest of the night apologizing to KB and Frankie for my horrible behavior, or at least for scaring them by yelling so loud.

To be continued . . .