Friends, How Many Of Us Have Them?

I just got off of the phone with our friend KB. Our conversation prompted me to ponder the true nature of friendship and what it means to be a friend to someone. I started thinking about who among our "friends", aside from KB, hadn't taken advantage of us in the past few months.

Friendship is an interesting and delicate dicotomy. On the one hand, as a friend, I feel that it's important to do everything possible to help, support, care for, encourage and otherwise uplift my friends. The other side of that is it's very easy to be taken advantage of. I give of myself, Husband and I both give of ourselves freely and without any thought of a prid pro quo. We enjoy being able to play a positive role in people's lives. We feel like we have been blessed, although we have very little, and we feel compelled to share our blessings with those we care about.

However, there comes a point when you must look and evaluate a situation for what it is. When one is in the position of being taken advantage of, it is in one's best interest to put an end to the circumstances by which that is occurring. Case in point; we have had our "friend" Frankie living with us for the past two months. He lost his job and was kicked out of his place at virtually the same time, and we offered our home to him so that he would not be homeless. Now, he does have family nearby that he could stay with, and why Husband has not demanded that he do this is beyond me. Well, he's got a very kind and generous heart, that's mainly why. Frankie has not worked in the past two months. A job here and there, he's a plumber, but nothing steady. He does do quite a bit around the house, but not enough to justify sponging off of us for the past two months. I mean, I'm cleaning the house and doing all the laundry today for the love of God. So in addition to the whole ex-Roommate drama, we've been supporting Frankie as well. And for whatever reason Frankie is very comfortable with things the way they are. There is no urgency for him to find gainful employment and move out. And it's not just Husband and I who are supporting him. KB is the only other friend we have with an actual full-time job. We carpool to work often and he doesn't expect gas money from us. Why? Because I cook dinner for him most nights, for everyone who's over and we let him do laundry here, etc. But he brings beer over, buys groceries, does the dishes, so it works. But Frankie drinks the beer and eats the food, as does everyone else who's over here, and no one else feels at all compelled to assist in any manner. So I wonder to myself, what makes a friend.

Obviously Husband and I have put ourselves into these particular circumstances, and I'm not complaining in the least. Just pondering. I feel as though I should be processing and thinking deeply about what's going on because there is a lesson to be learned in it all.

It's quite depressing, though, to realize that the friendships you thought existed are mear illusions. The friends we care so much about care only about themselves. But what to do? Isolate ourselves from all those who would use us? I think perhaps the answer is to be more guarded and more careful and less giving. It goes against our natures to behave that way naturally, so we will have to make an effort to do so. How unfortunate that you can't just trust people to do the right thing and be responsible for themselves.

Well, happy Friday! I hear laundry calling my name and a dust rag begging to be used.