Maybe It's Me

Having a roommate is a very delicate relationship. It forces you to choose your battles carefully, especially if you have a roommate who is not especially considerate. A brief history -
When Husband and I met our current roommate, he was unemployed and living with his parents. We all became friends and, at that time, he was very polite and thoughtful. Husband and I have friends at our house every weekend and almost every day during the week. We enjoy the company of our friends even though the house gets kinda thrashed. But current roommate, before he was roommate, would wash dishes, help clean the house and in general thought of others, especially Husband and I. He wanted to be helpful. Husband and I encouraged Roommate to get a job and were very supportive of him becoming a productive member of society. His own mom was discouraging him from obtaining gainful employment, which is why Husband and I thought maybe living in our house for a while would be a better environment.
Fast forward a few months and he is now our roommate. Things were pretty good for a while. But slowly and steadily a self-centeredness and selfishness started showing its face in Roommate. He would (and still does) spend hours talking about work and his day and himself when he got home in the evening, not pausing long enough to even ask Husband and I about our days. That was the first indication that something was amiss. I'm still not sure if this is how Roommate actually is and he was going out of his way to be "good" so he could move out of his parent's house, or if he is actually changing into an asshole. Well, in addition to the detailed and lengthy monologues every day, Roommate also stopped doing anything around the house.
Let me insert here that I work, full time, just like Husband and Roommate. I also make dinner every night for whomever is in the house, but always for at least Husband and Roommate. I clean the house every week, I make sure the bath towels are clean and all of the other things that go along with keeping up a household. I ask for virtually nothing in return. I do these things because they need to be done and I'm generally happy to do them.
How things have changed. Roommate won't even lift a finger to do anything, dishes, take out the trash, clean, nothing. Okay, fine, I guess I can live with that. As long as rent and bills are paid, right? Wrong. Now it's like pulling teeth to get money out of roommate as well. And call me crazy, but I feel like at the age of 35 you should be able to figure out when rent is due and pay it. Your roommates shouldn't have to ask you to pay the rent. Same with bills. Why is it our responsibility to ASK for money? I'm not dude's mom. Nor am I a maid.
Okay, so fast forward again, but also reverse to Thanksgiving. Even though Roommate was invited to spend Thanksgiving with Husband and I (in September he was invited) he decided he was too good for my family and decided to just stay home. Except he didn't stay home. Roommate decided it was a good idea to buy a puppy. A St. Bernard puppy.
Perhaps now is the time to tell you about our house. Husband and I could not be happier with where we live. But it's a small house. Like 900 square feet small. It's barely big enough for me, Husband, our dog and Roommate. But in his mind it's more than adequate for a ST.. BERNARD. Look, I don't even know what his plans are when this thing gets bigger. He has no plans.
To make matters worse, Roommate didn't even discuss the idea of getting a dog with us. So Husband called our house on Thanksgiving to check in with Roommate and found out about the puppy. Roommate spent $200 on a papered St. Bernard. Great. I'm not saying anything bad about spending money on a dog. Husband and I only paid $20 for our dog, but to each his own. What I am saying something bad about is spending that kind of money on a dog when you can't even pay rent. Priorities you know? So the whole day of Thanksgiving Husband and I spent ruminating on this puppy and what in THE HELL Roommate was thinking. Roommate goes to work before it's light and gets home when it's dark. Who will stay with the puppy during the day? Who will train the puppy? Who will walk the puppy? It's not even the puppy that burns us as much as the complete lack of consideration and respect that Roommate showed for us.
Husband and I talked on the way home about how to handle the situation, which had to be very delicately. (Roommate already has a history of defensiveness and anger and, in general, very childlike behavior when it comes to conflict.) We got home to find a house full of people, our friends, which was just fine with us. It did make talking with Roommate a bit more difficult.
Roommate was visibly excited, thrilled more like it. He had the papers out and ready to show us and tell us all about the puppy's bloodlines and how many times she'd taken a shit already. The following conversation ensued:
Roommate: "Touch her belly, it's so soft, isn't she so cute?"
Me: "Yes, she's cute. Puppies are cute."
Roommate: stupid shit I don't care about having to do with bloodlines once again and blah, blah, blah
Me: "We're going to have to talk about this at some point Roommate."
Roommate: "Talk about what?"
Me: "About this, the whole dog thing."
Roommate: "I thought we already talked about it."
Me: "It would've been nice to know that you were going to get a dog. It would've been cool for you to talk to us about it first."
Roommate (now clearly agitated and defensive): "We already talked about it. I've told you so many times that I was going to get a dog."
Me: "Roommate, you've never told us that you're getting a dog."
Roommate (now even more defensive and clearly angry): "Man, I told you so many times sitting out on the deck. You knew I was going to get one!"
Me: "Alright, well we're gonna need to talk about it."
At that point I ended the conversation. Clearly Roommate had it in his head that he'd discussed this with us. Roommate has, in the past six months, "discussed" getting a boat, buying property, buying a house, and yes I think even getting a dog. The "discussions" go something like this:
"Man, I'm gonna get that boat. We gotta have a boat."
"Man, I wanna dog."
So, okay, clearly I'm in the wrong, we did have a discussion about the dog. It was just very brief and without any actual discussion.
Husband did talk to Roommate later that night. Roommate assured Husband that he indeed had a plan for the puppy and would take it to work with him and clean up after him and everything. Well, when Monday came the puppy didn't go to work with Roommate. Roommate locked her in his room. Oh, but it's okay, he put some puppy pad shit on the floor for her to piss and shit on. The carpet will be fine. Meanwhile Husband and I are kissing our pet deposit goodbye. Not to mention that Husband and I are still asleep when Roommate goes to work and the puppy, as puppies are known to do, cries and yelps when Roommate leaves.
Husband had to have another talk with Roommate, making it clear to him that the puppy can't stay in the house, locked in a room all day, shitting and pissing on the carpet. So Roommate has been taking it to work.
Fast forward once more and here we are. Rent's due yet again and yet again we are forced to collect it from Roommate. His new plan is to build a wall in our downstairs area (an unfinished basement-type room where the washer and dryer are, and that Husband and I painstakingly made into a cool-ass chill room complete with carpeting) to keep the puppy contained in the chill room. His theory - the carpeting is just remnants and the puppy can shit and piss all over it and it won't matter. That way Roommate will have one room, Husband and I will have the other room, and puppy will have her own room and we will have no chill room. Now, call me crazy, but Roommate and puppy each having their own room seems as though it's worth more than just a third of the rent. Not to mention, I want my chill room! We spend a lot of time making it chillable and nice enough to even want to hang out down there.
It's just so fucked up at this point I don't even know what to do. But I know one thing, shit's gotta change with a quickness. This will not stand!
But then again, maybe it's me.