Inside My Head - a poem

Exhale slowly
Get my head straight
These thoughts, these feelings
eventually will go away

They never last forever
though they do keep returning
tormenting me with the past
suddenly, without warning

Silly of me to think I could escape
Whispers, chuckles inside my head
it's all coming back to me now
resurrected from the dead

I was so miserable then
never feeling quite right
always the oddball, out-of-place
always ready for a fight

Years have elapsed
and though I'm much older
my strangeness prevails
and isolates me further

I've accepted reality
I'll never be her
I won't have the grace, the style
I won't have the same curves

And by the look in your eyes
I know your desire
what can I do? I turn a blind eye
I walk through the fire

The way it's always been
never the beauty, never first choice
never commanding attention
not like your new little toy

I breath in and breath out
got to get my head right
not think about the pain
feel the cold embrace of night

Not a tear will drop
while I lay in my bed
keeping at bay
the monsters in my head

I will slip into the background
blend in with the rest
laugh, drink and be merry
I can fake it with the best

Some sweet day
the aching will cease
and I'll be delivered
to eternal peace