On a Serious Note

The end of the year, and especially the holidays surrounding it, are a constant reminder that I have no family. Or more accurately, I have a very small family. There are four of us. I'm talking about my immediate family, my brother, mom and dad. Husband has a rather large family but that's another story.
In my dreams I have an enormous family, a house full of people, a table a mile long full of food, everyone is laughing and enjoying themselves, everyone loves each other and puts aside their differences if only for one day for the greater purpose of celebrating Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year's, whatever. In reality my dad's family lives out of state and are not, shall we say, emotionally stable. My mom's sister and her two children (both married now) stopped speaking to us years ago over some disagreement about, I swear, Dr. Laura. I was not present at said disagreement and so have only heard about it second-hand. And though I'm sure the argument and subsequent abandonment have more to do with other unresolved issues, it still amazes me that something so petty can get so out of hand.
I have two cousins and an aunt who live maybe an hour away from me (much closer to my parents) who I've not seen or talked to in easily eight years. Not by my choice or my poor mom's. I can't imagine the pain of having your sister cut you out of her life. My mom has written countless letters in a vain attempt to reconcile their relationship. The aunt won't budge though. She's never written back and it's my belief that she never will. Perhaps when she's on her death bed, rethinking her pathetic life, maybe then she'll realize the error of her ways. But people like that rarely admit their mistakes. My mom still leaves the door open for reconciliation. She prays about it, I'm sure daily. Not me so much.
I should mention that this was the second abandonment that my mom's sister's family has put us through. Many years ago my mom and the aunt had a horrible argument over my grandma who is now dead. The aunt wanted to put her in a home, my mom wouldn't hear of it. (No, she didn't belong in a home, the aunt just wanted access to her money.) So the aunt and her family stopped talking to my mom and all of us. Well several years later the aunt's marriage of 25+ years is falling apart, she's getting divorced and has decided that she needs to reconcile with my mom. So they did and then we were all talking again.
But then about eight years ago the Dr. Laura incident happened and we haven't talked to them since.
I can't really wrap my head around family just cutting other family out of their lives. I suppose I could understand if there were addiction issues or one of us was a kiddie porn enthusiast or made snuff films or something. That you disagree about the merits or lack thereof of Dr. Laura is not a reason I'd typically choose to end a relationship over; with anyone let alone family.
So after the second time the aunt ended things, that was it for me. I don't mention their names, ever, and on the occasion that it does slip out, I do spit on the ground immediately after the name leaves my lips. I have no interest in reconciliation, a pleasant conversation, a cup of coffee, a brief glance, nothing. They are all dead. It's sad because I didn't attend a funeral for them and the cause of death is still unknown, but they're all dead.
I have not found a better solution yet. In my heart and my soul it hurts too bad to anguish over why they did this. I've had to watch my mom deal with it this way and it's heartwrenching. She agonizes over what she could have done differently, why she's not good enough, what's wrong with her, etc. I can't do that. What happened is my mom's sister is a bitch, a ruthless, heartless, evil bitch. You think the way she treated my mom's family is bad? You should have heard the way she talked to her own mother. And rude, evil, heartless bitches tend to raise self-absorbed, selfish, spoiled, evil children. And that's exactly what happened. And now they're dead. End of story. What, they're going to do me a favor someday by deciding they want to talk to us again? Fuck that!
This time of year though, can really bring all of those memories and the hurt right back. That's why I'm so thankful for the friends that Husband and I have been blessed with. It's like, I didn't get the big family, but my family continues to build through the years with the friends we make. That is my family.
So I'll be thankful for all of those blessings and I'll enjoy my celebrations with my small immediate family and I'll not think about the hurt. And someday when I find out where they're all buried, maybe I'll go visit their graves.