This Is Real Life

So my husband and I have taken in a roommate. For various reasons it is a good, temporary, arrangement. The roommate is a 35 year-old male friend of ours and is a very respectable and responsible man. But, you know, everyone has issues so it's not all puppy dogs and ice cream all the time.
Roommate is not married, never has been, and is actively seeking a mate as it were. I suppose that once you reach the unmarried age of 35 you may start having minor panic attacks, envisioning your life as a 65 year-old single man with no teeth, sucking down PBR's while you yell at the neighbor kids. I think that's kind of where Roommate is. He's terrified of being alone yet can't manage an actual relationship with a normal woman. (Yes, I have opinions as to the causes of this, but that's another story for another time perhaps.) So he recently met a young woman of 22 and has seen her several times in the past couple of weeks. And by "seen" I mean that they have come over to the house and had sex for hours at a time, she doing her best impression of the porn star on Skinamax. Now, I'm not generally a mean person and I rarely make judgments about people based on just how they look. Every encounter I've had with Young Woman has been pleasant and she seems like a nice person. However, she's not small. Believe me, I am the last person to even comment on the girth of another due to my own deep-seeded psychological body image problems. But she's a big girl. Roommate is just about average, maybe below average height, for sure a lot shorter than my husband. So the mental picture we're forced to endure during the hours long sexcapades with the shrieking and whatnot is unpleasant at best. (I should mention that we live in a very small house with little to no "buffer zone".)
So last night Roommate brings Young Woman over for Halloween fun(sex). BUT, Husband and I were also in an amorous mood last night and we got to our bedroom first, HA! Let them listen to us for a while. Except that it's not really like that, you all know that.
A digression: When women go really overboard with the "oos" and "aaaahs" and screaming and moaning and shrieking, just like in a porno, IT'S NOT REAL. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but it's fake. Real sex, real enjoyable sex, at least in my experience, is rather quiet. Yes, I make noise and stuff, but it's not the production that some women try to make it.
So husband and I are doing our thing, being relatively quiet throughout, and when we're done what else do we hear but the Sex Olympics coming from Roommates room. As I'm telling Husband the reality behind the sounds I look at our pup who has joined me on the bed. He is licking, hand to God, the wet spot on the bed. I point this out to Husband who laughs and says, "This is reality, the dog licking the bed, you asking me if you're gaining weight, me covered in poison oak, let's make a porno!"
"I'm starting a blog, tomorrow. And I'm writing about all of this. And it's going to be funny."
Reality usually is.
I hope you think so too.